Ok, so I'm having to do it. I need a break. I'm sorry for the double post today but I just don't feel like I can put it off any longer.
I've been fairly open about my struggles with depression lately but I'll just lay it out there... I feel awful. Steve and I have some tremendously stressful things going on in our life {we are fine!} that have brought my underlying depression to the forefront. What used to be manageable has become a crushing burden.
I have a family, I have a job, I have clients, I have friends, I coach a softball team and I find myself forcing a happy face so much of the time these days. I also find myself feeling like I have to put on a happy blogging face here as well and something has gotta give.
I get so frustrated with myself because I can't just feel better. But as I sat in church this past weekend {in tears} it became quite ironic to me that I wouldn't keep going and doing if I was physically sick but there I sat feeling awful. If I had the flu, I wouldn't be sitting there in church. If I had a stomach bug I wouldn't be sitting there at dinner pretending that I'm fine while my stomach churns and lurches.
So why is this different? I suppose because depression isn't understood like a stomach bug is... I suppose because everyone has had the flu but maybe not depression... I suppose because there are some that think it's something that I just need to get over... and then I suppose there are those who worry that it's catching. I don't really know but I do wish, like I said in my earlier post, that it wasn't such a hush-hush subject.
With all that being said, I need a break. Some time to sew or not sew. Some time to not worry about blog traffic, posting, photographing, etc. Some time to find myself and ways to better manage my stress. Some time to breathe and heal.
I realize that putting this out there might make me more vulnerable because I can't be silly and believe that everyone reads here with the purest of intentions. I know that this might make me a target for the smile-and-suck-it-up crowd to tell me to do just that, suck it up. But I know that my quilting and my feelings are tightly intertwined and I can't pretend anymore. I also know that I'm not the only one so if anything, I hope that being open about where I'm at might help even one reader feel a little less alone.
So if you don't mind, give me a week or so and I promise that I'll be back. Ya'll are the best!